Why I Decided to Chop My Hair Off

Mom: Honey, what traumatizing experience happened to you that made you want to cut your hair? Well damn, Mom. I just wanted short hair. To see what it was like for the first time in my life… well, that’s partly why.

Change needed to happen. I got so tired of letting everybody (family, friends, strangers) and everything else (media, culture, random events in the universe) define me. How I should dress, how I should act, how I should be. All that thick hair flopping on the sides of my face, covering my ears and suffocating the back of my neck. The more I thought about it, the more restless I became.

My hair at its longest point.
My hair at its longest point.

I felt hurt that other people would try to influence me to fit their vision, angry at myself for letting it happen repeatedly, and everything that comes in-between when you realize you’ve locked yourself in handcuffs and gave someone else the key. Things started to boil into a big, spicy heap of dissatisfaction and disappoint to a point where it bubbled over the brim. I just want to be me and be loved for who I am. When I was younger, I used to think, “Is that too much to ask?” It had a hint of tragedy and romance rolled into it, but that naive thought kept me in a destructive loop. Any sort of self-worth, self-acceptance, or possibility for better change was cleared from the table when I looked towards other people for validation. I still want to be accepted, praised, and so on by others, but I no longer have to rely on that crutch and it feels amazing to walk on my own– I feel more alive. It’s like having braces removed after years of rubber bands and nasty gunk stuck between your teeth. Liberation at its best.

***

John: My mind’s overwhelmed. I find myself attracted to you but you also look like a boy, so it’s like…

what r u brah
r u boi or kitty

I’m very happy to have supportive friends who like my haircut. (*^▽^*) It’s been fun to see people’s different reactions. I tend to startle women in the restroom…

wat.
they be like
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11 thoughts on “Why I Decided to Chop My Hair Off

  1. I too chopped of my hair last month, and i can so feel you on this. but one thing that happened in my case was, I found myself more confident around people, my walk was more confident seeing people turning their heads. because one thing’s for sure a girl with short hair is indeed a strong personality.

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  2. I love your hair both ways! I just finished my first year at a women’s college and it’s so inspiring being surrounded by empowered women all the time. We have a funny little thing called the “Bryn Mawr Chop” because it seems like everyone chops their hair off at least once during their four years there (Bryn Mawr is the name of the town we’re located). I always like growing my hair out all year and then chopping it down over spring break when it starts getting warmer -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s

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    1. Thank you, Audrey! An all women’s college certainly sounds like a different experience than what I’ve went through. Maybe at some point or another, once we’re aware of our oppressions, we all feel the need to do the “Chop”? I may take inspiration from your haircut timeline!

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