I want to talk to you during random times of the day: raindrops flicked on the windowpane, the checkout line at the supermarket, the chilled silence after a face wash. I go to a place entirely of my own.
If I see something particularly funny or when I feel troubled, I feel a sudden jolt of urgency like an unexpected hiccup. I wonder how you’d react; what would you say to me? My anticipation grows with each fictional pump until my excitement overflows. The dimple when you smile, those captivating eyes and a laugh I can’t help but remember; it’s bewitching, how you are to me.
I want to understand your struggles but I know I can’t– maybe one day, and I slowly am, but not now– so I’m forced to stand on the other side of the valley, hopeful for a bridge in the distance. It’s been so long, but I finally feel like we’re walking towards the same direction. Time cannot define us; we are entities entirely of our own, residing in twilight pools and slumbering in an unborn space. A hushed whisper through emerald leaves.
Every once in a while I think of you, wrap myself in memory’s warmth and comfort. The amount we spoke was substantial– so much that at times I found it annoying. Maybe we spent too much time together, cause somehow you knew what to say to calm me down. A genuine, good listener. You weren’t only kind to only me, but everyone around you. What stood out to me was how you were always there, open to ideas and always willing to lend a hand. You went out of your way to let me know that I’m special, at least to you. That in your eyes, I’m different from other people. You took good care of me– tried to– tried very hard. Appreciated me. That made me feel and think very differently; in some ways I still think it’s what I’ve always wanted.
You were wild, and me? Too self-disciplined. I needed more space. We didn’t operate the same way, at least not in a complimentary way. From the beginning, we never wanted the same thing. But no one can blame us for having the same dreams. Our lives intertwined for a brief moment of time like raindrops. What are the chances that those two particular drops land next to each other, on the same car, on the same window shield? Unexpectedly meeting down the line but bound to be wiped away. I felt you slip away slowly.
I wonder how you’re doing? and if you still think of me every now and then too.
then laugh it off, pushing the thought out of my head.