I wandered to Starbucks ’cause I wanted to be near people (or something). Yesterday my friend made us crunk drinks, a combination of Gatorade and Monster. Went to bed at 12:30, woke up around 3 the same morning and haven’t been able to fall asleep since then. The closest thing to an all-nighter I’ve pulled.
I can hear more Korean than English. Man, I hope they’re talking about me.
Trying to drown the noise down by blowing up Speakerboxxx / The Love Below. I’ve been daydreaming ’bout finding a golden ticket to Coachella.
Lately I’ve been feeling kind of numb. Not depression, anger or resentment… maybe disappointment. Not that I should be winning Academy Award of the Year for the Most Innovative Emotion. My life hasn’t exactly been a tragedy (more of a dark comedy). Maybe something like He’s Just Not That Into You, Love Actually and Friends with Benefits combined with a dead cat. Sixteen Candles stuffed underneath it all. Yeah, that’s it.
You know, some films are easier to watch than others, they’re more straightforward. Most films are complex though, and multi-dimensional. The true meaning’s practically impossible to find, if there’s even such a thing. Each film has its own style, and since I’ve been comparing lives to films, let’s say both are open to interpretation. Perhaps the saddest thing would be a film no one watches ‘til the end. An empty theater, spotless n’ unappreciated bathrooms, and stale, overpriced popcorn.
Aches come from a distorted mixture of memory and imagination, scenes with multiple different takes each time it’s retold. The more I write, the more I feel like I sound like a smartass.
I don’t really know what to make of things. Is it my brain shutting down or is it a coping mechanism (for what)? Am I waiting or stuck on something? Or is it my own fears, loneliness or pure frustration because I can’t pin-point the cause? The feeling drifts in and out, stings when it arrives and when it’s right about to settle in– evaporates, but only to come back again.
What I’d do to be a robot.
Probably not a lot.
As I sit here sipping my cold venti latte away, I feel like a real J.K. Rowling wannabe. Watching hooded people hurriedly pass by, puffs of breath in the 10 degree weather… a vast, cloudless blue sky as backdrop…
... across the street, in a “hair salonbarbershop” (what?), a guy puts on his waistcoat…
… the “hair design” store right next to it, with its lack of customers, crooked OPEN sign hanging on the door and 90’s posters plastered across its opaque windows…
… has me feeling jaded and caught up in the moment. I wonder what type of scene will play next for me?
Though in all honesty, it’s probably just the Monster talking.