The Problem with Saying “I’m Sorry”

Bump into someone. “I’m sorry!”

Cut someone off mid-sentence. “I’m sorry!”

Ending Friday night too soon. “… I’m sorry.”

… really?

But seriously. Why are we so apologetic? I’ve noticed women tend to do this more so than men. Maybe it’s how girls are raised in general; they are encouraged to be polite, well-mannered and courteous. In turn, they become more timid and hesitant. Boys are raised to be self-reliant, headstrong and encouraged to be impulsive. While I do appreciate people chewing with their mouths closed, there an unsettling discrepancy still exists between the two genders.

I’ve never heard a woman aspire to be president of the country, a CEO or an executive chef. I’ve never really heard a woman declare she wanted to be the top in any industry. When one of my girl friends faces a problem, she tends to default into self-doubt mode or avoids it at all costs. When one of my guy friends faces a problem, he might withdraw into himself, but he confronts the situation in one way or another. Guys want to fix the problem; girls want the problem to be fixed on its own. Why is that?

I'm sorry I didn't know...?
I’m sorry I didn’t know I lived for your existence?

I’ve made a point to never say “I’m sorry.” Put yourself under extremes, let the laziness/excuses pan out and voilà! What you get is moderation.

At first, I caught myself on the edge of saying sorry all the time. Now I only say it when I mean it. The person I’m talking to can have the comfort of knowing my apology’s more genuine than coming from someone who apologizes all the time. We shouldn’t walk around with our heads down and have our tail between our legs.

yeah boii

My butt hole’s too fabulous to be hidden. (Too much?)

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller
We say to girls, ‘You can have ambition, but not too much
You should aim to be successful, but not too successful
Otherwise you will threaten the man’
Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage
I am expected to make my life choices
Always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important
Now, marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support
But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage
And we don’t teach boys the same?
We raise girls to each other as competitors
Not for jobs or for accomplishments
Which I think can be a good thing
But for the attention of men
We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are
Feminist: the person who believes in the social
Political, and economic equality of the sexes”

–  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie exerpt from “***flawless,” Beyonce


2 thoughts on “The Problem with Saying “I’m Sorry”

  1. I disagreed with “never say ‘I’m sorry,'” but then you alleviated my tension with the next paragraph.

    However, I’d probably argue that a lot of people don’t say “sorry” enough – that is, a lot of people don’t own up to their mistakes, to their lies, to their bullshit, etc. At least they don’t say “sorry” and mean it. [See many frustrations in life].

    Still, interesting thoughts – got me thinking


    1. A lot of people seem to point fingers quickly. I was talking about this with a WWII veteran and we were saying how more and more young people these days tend to blame everyone else but themselves. Maybe the weight of responsibility scares them too much? Or avoiding confrontation… I know I’m guilty of that too sometimes.

      I’m glad to have got your brain crankin!


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