My First Time at Whole Foods lmao

I expected an organic and overpriced store.

I was right about the last part. I made it past about three aisles before my cardiac muscles started contracting and the imaginary dollars started flying out of my pocket.

Why’s there canola oil at this seemingly health promoting store? Tiny jars of spices on sale for $5.99? Four handful scoop of nuts for $12.99! I don’t want that sweater anymore Mom, just get me 2 boxes of assorted nuts for Christmas.


Never in my life have I seen so much cheese displayed randomly throughout a store. All of their free samples weren’t out though. 😥

Some of their stuff’s pretty cool though, like roasted almond butter and their Aggregate Nutrient Density Index charts. I enjoyed their Christmas decor section and their medicinal products (a quick fix solution for almost any illness it seems) and the fact that they sell socks.


People know that cage free and organic don’t directly correlate, right? Just because the birds aren’t stuffed into tiny compartments doesn’t mean the chickens aren’t injected with hormones, among other things.


The chocolates look fancy. Cane sugar’s still sugar though. Guess if “cane sugar” sounds better than “high corn syrup” to some when they’re on their guilty splurge of chocolatey goodness.


But a bar of chocolate’s still a bar of chocolate, organic or not. Same thing with gluten-free chocolate cakes and brownies. You eat one of those and all that sugar’s still going to go to places-you’d-rather-not-talk-about. If you’re going to eat jam, you’re going to consume sugar either way; it’s just the matter of how much real fruit is in the jar and whether you care about juice concentrate. Some jams offered at WF has sugar as its primary ingredient.


I’m not exactly sure what’s more special about vanilla marshmallows as opposed to regular marshmallows, other than possibly vanilla extract? $5.99 could get me a meal at Wendy’s though. Mmm, fast food.

WF has some NUTTY prices hahahahahaha
WF has some NUTTY prices hahahahahahh…

I’m not trying to hate on WF or it customers. If WF is your store, the place you grab pre-made dinner and then tell him you thought he’d like the home-cooked surprise, you go get ’em– it’s just not the store for me. Maybe if I made 80k more than I do right now, I wouldn’t mind shopping there on the regular (currently making close to nothing).

Maybe my judgement was swayed by the fact that I was disgustingly full from dinner.

Sometimes I feel like I could eat forever if I’m sitting down and hunched over.

*Side note: The back of my phone’s broken, resulting in a default haze. Yay unwanted achievement unlocked.


One thought on “My First Time at Whole Foods lmao

  1. #autofilter lol! I’ve never been to a Whole Foods before, but I’ve read (now) two funny pieces on them! 😀 Perhaps I’ll go one day. But like you, I’d probably hyper-ventilate at the prices. ToT


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